A Yuletide Wallop Read online

  A Yuletide Wallop

  by

  Constance Barker

  Copyright 2018 Constance Barker

  All rights reserved.

  Similarities to real people, places or events are purely coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Thanks for Reading

  Catalog of Books

  Chapter One

  Josie stared at the impressive mince pies sitting on the counter of her deli, The Lucky Dill, with a mixture of annoyance and amusement. She wasn’t surprised by their presence though they weren’t a part of her menu. Cookie had brought in baked goods nearly every day since she started working at The Lucky Dill. This was despite the fact that Josie had intended for the deli to be one of the few healthy options in town. Still, Josie couldn’t complain, some people came in only for the chance to taste some of Cookie’s desserts.

  “You want one?” Cookie asked innocently. Her real name was Katie, but she came by her nickname honestly. She was one of the best bakers that Josie had ever met, her bakes were their little towns worst kept secret. It wasn’t uncommon for moms to pay her to make baked goods for their kid’s bake sales. There had actually been a scandal when this was discovered by some of the more zealous parents.

  “No,” Josie replied too quickly, making Verny snort at her. “What? I don’t want one,” She insisted even though she regretted her answer already.

  “You always don’t want one,” Verny said mimicking Josie as she spoke. “I’m pretty sure you always have one anyway.”

  “If not two!” Cookie added, nodding in agreement. It was rare for Verny and Cookie to agree on anything, at least openly. They preferred to communicate through arguing most of the time. Everyone in town knew that if you crossed one of them, you crossed the other regardless of what they were bickering about that week. Cookie and Verny would take a bullet for one another, but they’d also die before admitting it aloud.

  “I personally don’t know what she sees in your baking,” Verny stuck her nose up, like she smelled something bad.

  “Oh yes you do,” Cookie said patting Verny’s belly, which in truth was practically nonexistent. Verny scoffed in offense. Josie ignored the exchange but thought Cookie might be treading into waters she’d regret later. Cookie wasn’t exactly the slimmest of women, though who could blame her when she can bake that well.

  Aaaaarooooooo

  “Can you shut that dog up?” Verny groaned in annoyance. One of their more recent spats had to do with a stray dog that Cookie decided was now hers. Josie reluctantly agreed to let the dog inside the deli, but it had to stay in the back office out of sight of the customers. Currently it was barking and whimpering in the back room.

  “She just misses me is all,” Cookie said, her heart visibly breaking at the sound of the whimpers. “Her name is Buttercup,” She insisted.

  “Well, Buttercup needs to shut up,” Verny replied. Josie wasn’t thrilled about the barking dog but didn’t have the heart to tell Cookie. She had a soft spot for dogs as well and as soon as Cookie had brought her in, she knew they were stuck with her. Buttercup was a fitting name, she was a little yellow dog with scrappy hair and brown eyes.

  “She will, once she is settled,” Cookie said sharply. Verny geared up her equally sharp response. Cookie and Verny had been friends since Cookie moved to town when they were in high school, always bickering and up to something. The pair paused their argument once the bells chimed at the door.

  “...and then the vigilantes, well they did just what vigilantes are wont to do,” Ed, more lovingly known as, Lightening said as he entered The Lucky Dill. He stamped his cane down on the words he wanted to emphasize. Abel followed the man inside looking less than interested in Lightning's tale.

  “Do you really need that thing or do you just like it for dramatics?” Verny asked the old man with a smile. Josie had thought the same thing more than once but would never dare to bring it up the way Verny just did.

  “You very well know how much I need this cane,” Lightning grumbled. He lifted the cane up briefly pointing it at Verny.

  “I know that you claim to need it,” she replied quick on her feet.

  “I’m an old man, Laverne,” he said using her real name, a surefire way to annoy her. “I’m half metal at this point! I’ve had my hip and my knee done. I’m not convinced it wasn’t you and your antics all those years ago that resulted in these bad joints.” Verny rolled her eyes but poured Lightening a coffee while doing so.

  “What antics?” Cookie asked with a wicked grin. They all knew the story very well, as Lightening had told it to us a dozen times. He tells every story he knows a few dozen times, and he knows a lot of stories. Legend had it that no one had heard Lightening not talk for more than ten minutes straight. He insisted that Abel didn’t know it since he wasn’t from town, even though he had told it to him himself more than once now.

  “The year was 1987, or was it ’85?” He began, making Verny groan. “Anyway, Laverne here was a student of mine, and not a very good one at that!” He had been a history teacher back then and was still the town historian to this day. Lightening had been regaling Abel with the town’s history as they arrived.

  “You want your usual?” Josie asked before he could go on.

  “What?” He asked, yelling. All old people suffering from hearing loss think that everyone else must be too. “Oh, yes, the usual. Turkey and cheese on rye,” he said it though Josie was already almost done making it.

  “What about you Abel?” Josie asked. He didn’t have a usual yet and tended to order something new every time he was in the deli. Abel had lived in town almost a year, but by New England standards, he was still a stranger and a newcomer. Josie had told him when he first arrived, he’d have to give it at least a year before he was accepted by anyone. It was simply the New England way.

  “I’ll take the holiday special,” he said with a grin. Josie hadn’t gotten the chance to make one of those yet and she was glad for the chance. Most of the time people in town stuck to their favorites, so she didn’t get the chance to make her specials often.

  “You’re going to try that?” Cookie asked skeptically. The sandwich had all the flavors of Christmas; turkey, bacon, cranberry jam and spinach all on homemade sourdough. What kind of Christmas dinner that was, no one quite knew, and this had been pointed out to Josie more than once. Especially by Cookie.

  “Yes, I am,” he replied confidently.

  “You city boys have no taste,” Cookie shook her head sadly.

  “Do we not?” Abel said in mock offense. “I like to think I have impeccable taste.”

  “Not in that coat,” Verny said. She and Cookie often took a break from being harsh to one another to make fun of the poor man. Josie felt bad for him and hoped it wouldn’t drive him off one day. It was all in good fun and he seemed to be able to dish it as well as he could take it.

  “It’s damn freezing in this town!” He said in his own defense
. He wasn’t wrong, but still, the town never got the brunt of the winter. It was too close to the ocean for extreme weather. This wasn’t to say they weren’t three feet deep in snow regardless of the proximity to the ocean.

  “You look like a marshmallow,” Lightening said in an uncharacteristic moment of joining in the banter intentionally. Josie stifled a laugh as she set their food on the table. Verny and Cookie weren’t nearly so polite and openly guffawed.

  “Your jacket is just fine,” Josie assured him, though not convincingly.

  “I like it,” he said indignant. Josie suspected that it wasn’t the first time he'd been made fun of for his coat. She could only imagine the type of things Gideon must’ve said about it. Abel worked at the police station as a detective in training of sorts, though she was sure he was already qualified. Gideon had been the detective in town for Josie’s entire, almost 40 years, of life. He was getting ready to retire in a few years and wanted to make sure the town was in good hands once he did.

  “I’m sure it’s very warm,” Cookie said with a giggle. Abel blushed and nodded, choosing to stop the ribbing there. He couldn’t take too much more and was feeling very sensitive about his jacket now. He shrugged it off onto the back of his chair.

  Ruff Ruff Ruff

  “Is that a dog?” He asked, changing the subject. Abel looked confused, as if he wasn’t sure of what he was hearing.

  “It is a dog,” Verny said pursing her lips. “Why don’t you tell him all about it, Cookie?” she asked glaring at the woman. Cookie shot back a look of equal intensity.

  “It’s my dog, Buttercup,” Cookie said with a smile at Abel.

  “You have a dog?” Lightening asked curiously. “Who in their right mind would let you take care of something that’s living?” Cookie huffed at the accusation. True, she had never had kids, or a pet and she had killed every plant she had come in contact with, but she still didn’t appreciate the lack of confidence.

  “If you must know, Buttercup found me,” Cookie said, giving Lightening a look this time. “She came to my door a couple weeks ago, lost and alone. She’d abandoned and found her new home with me.” She said this with wistful sadness.

  “How do you know she didn’t have an owner?” Abel asked, concerned.

  “She didn’t have a collar and I checked all the shelters...no one was missing her.” Cookie sounded heart broken. Josie felt it too...she’d always been one to cry at those Facebook videos of the missing or mistreated dogs. Even the ones that had a happy ending made her sad.

  “I’m sure she is more than happy to have you,” Abel said with a genuine smile. “Will I get to meet her?”

  “She’s not allowed in the dining area,” Cookie said with a begrudging shrug. “You’ll have to meet her some other time.”

  “If you ask me, she shouldn’t even be allowed in the deli at all,” Verny said. Josie suspected that Verny’s objection to the pup was purely for show. She could have sworn she’d seen her sneak treats to her more than once just this morning.

  “Well, that’s my call,” Josie said. “And I’ve made it. Buttercup is allowed in the back room and the courtyard,” She said with finality. Verny rolled her eyes but wouldn’t say anything more to undermine Josie. There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by a sudden bark from Buttercup. Cookie and Abel snickered at the timing, which turned into full laughter. Josie and Lightening chuckled along with them and even Verny couldn’t hide the smile on her face completely. The tension drained from the room.

  “Now, what was I saying?” Lightening asked all of a sudden remembering that he had been cut off from finishing not one, but two, stories. Verny groaned once more, which seemed to jog Lightning's memory. “Oh yes, the time Verny was responsible for nearly breaking my hip!”

  “It wasn't even bruised,” Verny argued.

  “I’m certain you broke it, remember when you broke my wrist?” Cookie asked gleefully.

  “You broke her wrist?” Abel asked looking between the women. He still had very little understanding of their relationship.

  “I didn’t mean to,” Verny said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “But I didn’t break or nearly break Lightning's hip.” Josie laughed as they continued their arguments. She remembered Lightening telling the story more than once to her class when she was growing up. Josie hadn’t planned on ever coming back to her hometown, but after her divorce it just felt like the right place to be. She couldn’t have been more right in her decision, especially once she opened The Lucky Dill. It was a dream of hers that her ex had always told her wouldn’t amount to anything. He could not have been more wrong there.

  Chapter Two

  “I want to hear about how you accidentally broke Cookie’s wrist,” Abel said. Lightening stamped his cane down in annoyance, still not being able to tell his story. Buttercup yipped once more, on cue with the cane.

  “While you do that, I am going to make sure everyone in the courtyard is alright,” Josie said making her exit with a steaming carafe of coffee for her outdoor patrons.

  “There are people outside!?” She heard Abel exclaim in disbelief as she went out the side door. This was only his second New England winter and being from the South, he still hadn’t adjusted. It was cold outside, but no more than usual. With a hot drink and a good coat it wasn’t so bad. Besides, the courtyard was blocked off from the wind, and Josie set up heat lamps every winter.

  “Can I get you anything else?” Josie asked while topping off coffees. The patrons all but ignored her and shook their head slightly indicating that they were all set. During the winter months they got a lot of out of towners. They lived in a tourist town and used to be dependent on the Summer to get them through Winter. Someone came up with the idea to make the town a Winter Wonderland every year around Christmas and since then they never had a lull in tourism. It was a pain in the butt to get everything set up, but it was worth it in the end.

  Josie shivered, it might be warmer in the courtyard than just being outside, but it wasn’t quite warm enough to not have a jacket on. She started to go inside as something caught her eye. She lifted her arm to wave ‘hello’ to Al across the street. Her mouth was poised to shout a greeting at him, but all at once her mouth closed and her arm dropped.

  Al pulled Margie into a tight embrace and then walked off quickly. Al wasn’t a man that often moved quickly. He was older and could probably use a cane, more legitimately than Lightening. He was also not a man to hug someone other than his wife, not that tightly anyway. Josie felt a pang of sorrow for his wife, if Al was stepping out on her. She hadn’t expected that from him, nor from Margie. There had been rumors she had been seeing someone at last. Her husband passed away almost a decade ago now. She hoped it wasn’t Al.

  Margie waved with a smile at Josie and the Lucky Dill. She was one of those women that would wave at a friend’s house even if she knew they weren’t home, just in case. Josie quickly tried to act as though she hadn’t been spying and waved back before dipping inside.

  “Do you know, she is seeing someone?” Cookie said as though it were a scandalous thing. It would be if she was in fact seeing Al.

  “I’d heard about it,” Very said nodding. With only Abel and Lightening in the deli, she was sitting wrapping silverware sets at the table next to theirs. Apparently, Josie had missed both stories this time around. She was sure she’d hear them again even if she was able to escape this retelling.

  “There’s no evidence,” Josie said, covering what she had seen. She didn’t want to add fuel to any fires without being certain.

  “Evidence is important!” Abel said through a full mouth. His cheeks were puffed out from the food, but he still managed a smile at his own quip.

  “Wow, big detective man says evidence is important. Thank God for that!” Cookie joked back. Abel’s jokes often went over this well. They weren’t really jokes, they were more just statements that he found humorous.

  “She most certainly is seeing someone,” Verny said.

/>   “Who then?” Abel retorted.

  “If she’s not seeing me, then she certainly isn’t seeing anyone else,” Lightening said. He was currently cleaning his plate with his finger and eating the crumbs from the bread that came off on it.

  “Why on earth would she be seeing you?” Cookie asked.

  “I’m the most eligible bachelor her age in town,” Lightening replied offended. “Why wouldn’t she be seeing me?”

  “You, eligible?” Verny asked.

  “Very,” Lightening wiggled his eyebrows. Abel nearly choked on his food while Verny made a face.

  “How are you so certain?” Josie asked Verny. She didn’t like the thought of her old teacher being romantic with anyone either.

  “She’s told me,” Verny said, acting nonchalant. It was clear that she had been dying to drop this nugget of information since she had heard it. “It was in secret though, so don’t go blabbing.”

  “Don’t go blabbing?” Cookie asked. “You just went blabbing to half the town!”

  “Last I checked the town population was higher than eight. Four people does not make up the town. I’m just saying keep a lid on it,” Verny said meaningfully.

  “Are you trying to say I can’t keep a secret?” Cookie said. “That I have a big mouth?”

  “I’m not saying that you don’t,” Verny replied.

  “I’ve kept a secret of yours since we were fourteen. If I’ve got such a big mouth, then why don’t I just say it here and now?” Cookie threatened.

  “Don’t you dare,” Verny said darkly. Josie was glad the conversation seemed to have been derailed. She felt like she had this dirty secret she was going to have to blurt out at some point, but she wanted the facts first.

  “Verny, when we were fourteen,” Cookie began. Verny leapt from the table and clamped her hand around Cookie’s mouth. The two struggled for a moment and then paused when the door chimed again. Verny’s hand was still awkwardly gripped around Cookie’s mouth when Gideon walked in. They immediately broke apart, acting innocent.